God Never Intended Us for Ordinary

This is the first blog I have ever written in my life. I don't even know where to start. All I know is that I have to write about how incredible God is and how He has proved Himself and His character to me over and over again in these last three years. Everyone must know the Truth: that God is real and that He extravagantly and unconditionally loves us. That He spends our entire (short and fleeting) lives pursuing us with His love. It is a love that is relentless and it is a love that at times shouts and screams of its existence at us if we would only take the time to listen for it. It's kind of like that Hot or Cold game...when the person who is searching is getting closer to the item that has been hidden, we begin to yell you're getting hotter (closer) or colder (farther away) in order to direct them to the hidden object they are searching for. There have been many moments in my life when I have been so close to God's love, could tangibly feel the warmth of his nearness and love, and I chose to ignore the voice of God telling me to stop, to enter into His blazing presence, to go no further, telling me I had finally found what I was looking for. If I would only stop, He would engulf me in the flames of His love and I would be Home.

The moment I finally let God's love in entirely and allowed it to transform me completely was the summer after my junior year of college at Pepperdine University. I had just transferred in that year and had moved away from home for the first time. I had thought that getting into my dream school would change my life completely. Life would be perfect now that I was finally away from my hometown and family. My life would finally begin and I would be able to travel the world and live happily ever after. Until, it didn't. It actually wasn't everything I thought it would be. My troubles, insecurities, low self-esteem, loneliness, depression and family issues and brokenness didn't just go away. Finding the right Christian community I needed didn't quite happen for me at Pepperdine that year. I was still just as lost as I'd ever been.

Yet, God is strategic. He had a plan and the plan was for me to fall head-over-heels in love for Him that year. It happened. It wasn't coming to a Christian university that led me to Him but rather, it was a pastor, his family, and a team of young leaders that moved to Ventura that same year. It was a church called the City Church. The first time I met Pastor Jude, I noticed right away he was different from any pastor I had ever met before. He was genuinely interested in who I was and wanted to know everything about me. He was immediately so encouraging and uplifting I was even slightly alarmed and uncomfortable. I had never ever met anyone, especially not a pastor, like him before. He had faith in me from the very beginning and his genuine love for every person he encountered is what drew me and my entire family to the church. Throughout the year, I found myself getting more involved with my new church family there (I had never met Christians who were that full of life and who had more fun inside and outside of church than anybody I knew!) and drawn to come home to church on the weekends to feel and experience God in a way I never had before. It was a church where God's presence was tangible and his Spirit was very present. My heart would beat furiously every time and I felt nervous. I knew He was knocking and yet, I didn't want to allow Him in to my heart just yet.

So, back to the moment of surrender when I just lay it all down. Summer after my junior year, I came home to the City Church and I knew it was now or never, all or nothing. In a youth service, I went up to the altar to dedicate my life to Him, hands lifted up in complete worship and surrender. As I did so, I felt waves of relief rushing over me and a calming, comforting love pouring out over me like a waterfall. I felt that I had finally come home. My life was changed forever. I met a girl named Laina, a girl with big, beautiful blue eyes and a beautiful soul. I had never met anyone with a heart as pure and good-hearted as hers. She was the perfect, God-given best friend at just the right time for me! She told me that the church (newly planted baby church though it was) was going to start an internship program and that she was considering doing it. I told her I wished I could do it too but I had one more year left at Pepperdine. She said I could just take a year off of school. Yeah, if it were only that simple I thought. I couldn't get this internship off my mind. It would be so stupid of me to consider taking my senior year off. So I actually drove to Pepperdine one day and asked them what would happen if I took a year off. They said I could take up to two years off without having to be re-admitted again, but the same financial aid wouldn't be guaranteed when I came back. It was a risk. But I didn't care. I was so happy and so excited to completely immerse myself in Jesus and devote all my time to grow in my newly-birthed relationship with Him! I had no idea what I was getting myself into. 

Thus began the two most incredible years of my entire life. You have to understand that this was a whole new world to me. 37 interns, young people around my age, coming from all around the nation including Hawaii (and even a  couple from Canada) to my small, little insignificant hometown of Ventura, CA? I didn't even know people did that. Interning for churches?? Young people who loved church and had fun at church, who could dance crazy and have better fun in church than the young people who were all up in the clubs? Who were passionate about Jesus and weren't super boring, second-generation, goody two-shoes Christians? They existed?! At City Church they did. For one year, which then eventually turned into two years since Generation Interns is a two-year program, I was trained and equipped by weekly Bible college classes taught by my pastor and other church leaders. We were trained in children's ministry, in worship, in youth ministry, media, administration, outreach ministry and encouraged to grow as leaders. Taught that we all have a unique role to play in the Kingdom and that we are all called to love and serve the local church with the individual gifts God has given us. Taught how to hear the voice of God for ourselves, taught to love the Bible and love prayer, but most importantly, we were taught to love the broken and the lost. I developed a deep, unshakeable, rooted foundation in the love of Christ in those two years. I gave him all my crap and allowed Him to change me from the inside out until I could no longer remember the person I used to be. My identity became rooted in who God had created me to be and who He said I was: "His masterpiece, His perfect creation, His beloved, blameless, purified and whole in His sight." I was precious and special to Him and called for greatness because I am His daughter. I went on life-changing mission trips to Uganda and the Philippines and saw great miracles happen and felt only more and more confirmation that God was calling me to the nations...realizing as I had known since I was 9 that I felt more at home in other countries than here in my own.

Then the two years ended. It was time to leave. I had wrestled with God for almost a year about the next step after I graduated interns. Returning to Pepperdine to graduate seemed like the most logical decision because, after all, I only had one more year left. It was a struggle. I didn't really want to go back and partly, I believe it was because I was afraid to. I wanted to be a missionary anyway so why would getting a college degree matter? I was asking God to give me opportunities or confirmation on going on a long-term mission trip maybe to Mexico or some other Latin-American country. It never came. So I continued to half-heartedly pursue returning to Pepperdine. I was re-admitted back in without having to apply so I saw that as a good sign. I got down on my knees several times calling out to God. Telling Him I didn't want to return but since that's what He wanted I was going to do it. I gave God my conditions that I required in returning to Pepperdine (So silly right? The audacity. And such attitude! Haha). I deserved it, I told Him, for having sacrificed and giving Him two years of my life already! First of all, He must provide financially since I didn't want to take out any more loans. It's a $60,000-a-year tuition school! Secondly, I wanted to be a spiritual leader to freshman girls. Lastly, I wanted lots of opportunities to share my testimony and I wanted to see revival break out over that campus.

This is what ended up happening. The summer before Pepperdine was one of the hardest of my life. Financially, it got to the point where it seemed that I would not be able to afford it. I had gotten back almost no financial aid. I had nowhere to live on-campus. This was mainly my fault as I had waited until the last minute to apply for on-campus housing and also, had barely applied for any scholarships. I had applied and been interviewed to be an SLA (Spiritual Life Advisor) which meant that I would be living in a freshman girls dorm as their spiritual leader. I failed to get the position to be an SLA, I had nowhere to live and no money. It was already August and school was starting in a couple weeks when all the miracles I didn't deserve happened for me one right after the other.

First, one of my friends I had made the first year I had been at Pepperdine told me she needed a roommate since hers had been asked last-minute to be an RA and asked if I wanted to be her roommate on-campus. Secondly, the grants and scholarships came in so quickly my financial aid advisor was shocked and told me that she honestly believed that God wanted me to come back. I was given almost $50,000.

So I came back to Pepperdine for my senior year and it has by far exceeded all of my expectations! Funny how God always works like that. ALWAYS. In the first week of school, I attended a worship service and was approached by the Campus Minister Thomas who didn't even know me, but who immediately after I had told him about my internship, asked me if I wanted to lead a house group, which are small groups that meet throughout the week in faculty homes. He said I was a Godsend since they were short on student ministry leaders this year. I said yes and ended up having a house group of mainly freshman girls! Getting to co-lead with my hilarious co-leader Wilson and do life with an amazing group of freshman girls and guys has been my favorite, most life-giving part of my senior year. I was also given countless opportunities to share my testimony, at our Student-led Chapel, in my small group, in my classes, with my professors and with many friends I made throughout the year. I was also asked by Thomas to lead a mission trip for Campus Ministry to the City of Children orphanage in Ensenada, Mexico. I couldn't believe that God had placed this opportunity in my lap so soon! Leading a mission trip to Mexico was so daunting to me, frustrating and alot of planning and preparation work, but once we arrived at the City of Children, God, of course, had provided and equipped us with all we needed. The beautiful children and staff of the home ministered to us in ways we never expected. I was blown away by God's goodness and faithfulness and learned a new love for my team---30 young people (including my mom who went with us) who are absolutely amazing and will forever hold a special place in my heart. On our second to last day there, one of the Mexican directors told me they wanted me to come back and intern there for the summer along with another intern if I felt that God was calling me to. I said YES. Of course. This is what God had in mind all along. I was in awe.

God is strategic. The journey he has taken me on in these last three years has been mind-blowing...it's a journey that has taken me back and forth in circles from the beginning to where I am now to giving me glimpses of HIS future vision for my life. He knows exactly what He is doing with my life and He has all along. I will never doubt again. And neither should you. Take risks. Say yes to God even when it doesn't make sense and it looks like there is not a hope in sight. As I approach my Pepperdine graduation day in only a few days, I look back on the last three years and I think of one of my favorite quotes by Lou Holtz: "I can't believe that God put us on this earth to be ordinary." I encourage you and implore you to not be afraid to enter into the extraordinary life God has for you! The greatest adventures await.

"Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think."-Ephesians 3:20